Day 58 and 59---- last class Day 60

Day 58 - sore muscles so I started drinking coconut water.
Day 59 - I have a cramp in my diphram. Oh fuck me! Paninful. I do not want to do the class. I felt the heat of the class, walked in. Stand and deliver Zoe. I did it.
Day 60 - my final class tonight. I can!

Day 56 and 57

Day 56 - before I start the clas I want to go home. I'm sore, body worked to the max.
Day 57 - only 3 more days left before I finish. I had to go to work and finish a big project. I did not want to do it. I left the project, went to Starbucks. I lost a cookie on the way over to Dads house. I want to remove the mid century modern art my brother made in the outside dark room. Shall I go over there and take it or ask my brother? The dark room had termites in the wood walls. eeK!

53, 54, 55 Days of yoga

Day 53- confession I pussy fart in class everyday!
Day 54 - I farted 2 times at the beginning of class. LOL.
Day 55 - My muscles are sore. Last night I threw up. I took some CQ10 for my gums. Not at night Zoe. Tired again. this morning, need to lay down and rest up today for Day 56. I'm so close to the end. I'm holding on. My strength needs to improve over time.

Day 52

It was hot and I was tired since I did not get much sleep last night. Darla, my wonderful teacher showed compassion for me during the class and told me I did a great floor bow. I can never see how good I'm doing. It felt great and I noticed for all my hard work. Doing this yoga, I finally have respect from my fellow yogis. This is a very difficult yoga and shows what you are made off. I'm so happy proud of myself. Only 8 more days to go. I will probably never do another 60 day challenge during the summer. I was lucky this summer it was mild beautiful weather. It is getting hot in San Jose and I do not like the heat. zoe zane

I'm posting about my dysfuntional family on my yoga blog

The death certificate of my dead Dad at 91 years old. He died after his marriage anniversary August 1. He was married July 21

Yesterday, my younger sister and I were talking about my depression raised Dad who saved anything and everything. We joked about how he would glue his finger back on with Elmer's glue. How he would, IF he could, wire my broken legs back up after I was pushed off the roof when 4 years old. His house had canned goods from 5 years back. He would eat out of a old can and say that did not hurt me. We opened up a big barrel of rolled 4 grain cereal that was 25 years old. Fungus flew out and coked us. Get the picture? Cough cough.
Now the family is all uptight about Dad's death certificate. The estate cannot be released until the certificates are received in the mail and sent to the proper authorities. I'm still getting over the death of my Dad. The Fatso brother in law needs my sister's inheritance $$$$. He better watch it!!! If he makes her madder than Hell, she will not let him have any of it. I searched on the Net about receiving death certificates in the mail. Up to 15-20 working days to obtain a DC. I get the feeling it will take longer than what the rest of the family figures. Maybe, the first week week in September? Last night, I could not sleep. Finally, I tucked myself away in my hot pink walk in closet. I fell asleep waking up in a scary nightmare. I saw demons all over Dad's house. I cried out in fear these words: In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave! One jumped off the roof but the ones on the ground remained. I know what to do. The yard and the entire house needs smudging with white sage. I used keys I found in my second sister's room who is crazy, she was placed in a lock down mental institution. I opened up the house doors and windows, no one was there. I smudge it and locked it up again. My brother and sister are still in the Mormon church. They know about evil and demons. They do not understand how to get rid of evil. My Dad told me he saw demons in his house. Is that why he went to the temple after Mom died? My crazy sister lived with Dad after she died. He went to the temple to keep his sanity, to save himself. My crazy sister tormented my Dad in angry for what happened to her in my family. That will be in my book. That's why the demons are picking on my Dad's house still. I will clear out the house! After I smudged the house, I felt better. The house felt better. Zoe Zane 1st born child of a California dysfunctional home

Today is day 52 for yoga challenge. The weather is hot, drink water girl. Stay hydrated for the class tonight.

Day 51

I saw the skinny male world champion. Tiny guy and young, whatever, who care, I saw him. In class it was too hot. I was hot before I started. Stood outside in the free air. WONDERFUL. I was miserable in the 430 PM PST class. I hate yoga and want to go home before I even go to class. It was crowded. I hate crowded. This young girl next to me was slopping her body in my mat space. I am usually nice but not today. I hate her too. I am so glad I do not have to please anyone about what I think about day 51 yoga class. Only 9 more days to go. Hang on Zoe Girl.
On top of this my younger sisters bully husband wants my Dads money right now. All he cares about is my Dads $$$$$. I knew he was a gold digger. I hope he makes my sister so mad she does not give him anything. He does not deserve it. He is such a mean person. Day 51 sucks in yoga. W H O C A R E S !!!

Day 50

Cleaned up Dads house and Im tired before I start the class. One of the in shape, hot body teachers (no kids) is my friend. We talked about old boyfriends who love themselves not us. WE LOVE OURSEVES and will not be with destructive going NO WHERE men. At the end of class I got energy. WOW! Bikram yoga is the only palce in the world you get energy.

47 - 48 - 49 Days

My back is slowly getting better. I focus on things I can do, not what I can not do.
Chris G is still a bug in my mug---ha ha ha
He has enough cocky attitude to fill up a football stadium. I'll call him Chris Gonad. HA HA HA He did notice my improvement in the camel pose, he encouraged me. I don't like teachers who have LOUD voices with a cocky attitude. I don't like ridge teachers. I was raised in a very rigid family as a child.

Day 49 - I can remember BC I am sitting here in my sweaty clothes typing. Funny Chris with the long legs and phony tail makes me laugh.

A day ago I decided I am done with a toxic person in my life. She hates successful people. I'm mad as hell, and I am done. Not matter what I do she has to put me down. I will never call her again. I said this once before but it is OVER! There is another friend that says she is my friend but I wonder if it is real. I watch what she does and she is crazy for sure!
zoe zane

World champions will be at the studio this weekend. Right now I do not give a damn about world champions. Tomorrow is day 50. After that ONLY 10 more days to go. Hold on Zoe!

Day 46

My back is getting better. The national female, yoga champion made it on time to teach the class. Good for you Cynthia, who is tiny, slender, gumby yoga girl. I'm getting myself back. I've notice strength and flexibility in different poses. I will post that later.
I helped my family clear out my Dad's house last night. It was nice to get to know my Dad from my brother. Dad worked at United Airlines in the 1950's at $1.64 an hour. Hard to believe he was paid that wage. LOL. $$$$$ went a long ways in those days. I was raised in a lower middle class family in Santa Clara, California in a mid-century modern home. Dad wanted to buy 2 other home close by but on that wage? WOW! He had the right idea. It was tight for money growing up as the first child. I wish Dad would of talked more about how to manage your money. I did learn from his model but the tiny details, he taught me nothing. He did show me that steady is the race to get ahead. Nothing fast, like the lottery. Zoe Zane

44 and 45 yoga days

Bikram says he will turn your body into a Ferrari. I feel like I'm in the body shop getting lined up. eeK! My lower back is still acting up but last night it was better on day 45 with teacher Darla. I LOVE HER!

Day 42 and 43

My lower back is in a big spasm. I think I'll lay down the next 2 days in class and relax. I'm taped out, over whelmed with moving to a new living space, which I do not have to do now, my Dad dieing, dealing with my asshole family members, and mouth surgery. Through all of this I have been working and updating sites, also. eeK!!!LOL. I will lay down in Bikram for 2 days and walk during the day. One of the teacher, Patrick told me to relax and take some aspirin. Will do! zoe zane

day 41

the stress of my unsupportive family and Dad's death has landed right in my lower back. i can hardly walk or do the poses. im repeating my affirmation that all my needs are always taken care of and i am safe. this morning i am still uptight in my lower back on the male side of the body. tonight is day 42

Check in with my hot pocket team - Day 40

My Dad died Aug 1st, my childhood family are the bitches hell crew, so greedy. I had mouth surgery and my landlord would not let me keep my 3 cats. This is hardest challenge I have encounter which is my 4th.

In yoga class my Dad talks to me and it's very helpful with my greedy family. There is voo doo going on in the torture chamber. he he he Even though he left his skinsuit he is very close to my lovely brain and heart. He knows how terrible he was to all of his childrne is is deeply sorry. Funny how the other side makes you see. I kept going to yoga and my mouth is healing fast.
The landlord's wife was the one who changed her mine about the cats and the new lease. My male landlord loves me AND they cashed the check for August, said nothing. Money talks! I offered to blow out the vent ducts when I move for cat dandruff. Did he drug his wife? I've felt so lost and alone. All my buddies at yoga have been very supportive.

Yesterday I went like a fast freight train over to Dad's estate and pulled out the antiques he gave me. I'm happy and will put different energy on all the pieces. I'm happy, wealthy, rich and powerful!

Right now I feel retarded. When you are retarded you can say anything and everyone laughs. Cackling out loud! HA HA HA Last night was Day 40 for retarded Miss Zoe Zane.

At the end the teacher/owner told us we could "sy" out loud-----I could not even DO THAT! I layed there blowing sweat bubbles with my lips.

Smilesssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love yourself BC your damn good!

Day 39

I don't like this Darius guy who is a hardcore, arrogant, macho teacher. DID he
have a angry father? It was dificult to be in class with this guys who is one of the yoga king instructors. If he would of been hot looking that would of helped but he was not THAT at all. I have seen less experienced teacher do a better job. I would never go to his studio. NOT EVER! I'm so fucked in this class tonight with this dumb ass teacher. I flipped him off 5 times in between the poses. I do not care what he thinks. Get a heart buddy.

Day 36, 37, 38

Day 36 - my 2 daughters left, drove back to Utah. My Dad's death broke down my baby daughter's heart. She is bonding to me and my older daughter. Thank God. She needs us.
Day 37 - Sunday I was strong. When you do this yoga it makes you bullet proof, money proof, health proof. It makes your life better. When your spine is healthy so is the entire body. The whole body is healthy.
Day 38 - Monday I have mixed emotions. Talked to an estate lawyer about my executor brother in the Mormon church who has turned against me. Actually I scare him. My family was abusive, angry and hateful. My mother and father hated each other. What great role models they were to all 5 kids. I'm undoing the damage of a loveless, heartless family. I will prevail. I'm done with the negative crap from the Mormon church and how they cover ups of dysfunctional families. The Church paints a picture that all is good and great. It's not. They cover up crimes of sexual abuse, wife beaters, alcoholism and sodomy of my disabled younger sister (who keeps taking it). My Dad's memorial is this Saturday, it will be candy covered up bull shit. They all live in a dream. No one gets fixed, just judged.
Lets send my brother's congregation to Bikram for one year every other day and watch. Now the truth will come out so they can heal. That is what I will do! Tell my angry Mormon bishop brother to go to Bikram and fix his shit. HA HA HA
I'll get in his face about his fucked up spine. Not his stinking thinking, he has too much ego. Yeah send him to the real torture chamber of life at Bikram. Laughing out loud.

Day 35 went to early 9:30AM class

I don't like the morning classes. My body needs to relax to work just right in the morning for bathroom time. Yeah know what I mean! Andy, dear Andy, she taught the class, I love her. My daughter went with me. She's crashing in Bikram. She will be alright. That is what you go through. The body knows what to do to care for itself. I did not sleep well. Going back home from dinner at son's house, I got lost in San Jose. LOL. I just drove around and around and around in a daze. A lot of change is going on for me and my life. My Dad dieing, the estate, the crazy family members and doing Bikram.....I spaced out. Lost in San Jose, your own town. eek!!!!! My daughter was following me, I turned my cell phone. OH FUCK ME! Finally we made it home. I need a nap today.

Death of my father - Day 34 and my abused sister

has opened up a can of worms. My younger sister has been abused for years from her alcoholic husband. He is not worthy of the word more like barbarian. Today, we are talking about the the inheritance from Dad and she turned on me. She has been drinking beer to go to sleep, She works graveyard, massive sleep deprivation. The barbarian calls her up whenever he wants and has no respect for her or her time. She turned on me today and told me I was just like him. I have decided not to talk to her anymore. She is whacked out big time. That hurt me a lot. I will not help her anymore ONLY if she asks for it.

Day 33

Day 33: It was the cocky Devil male teacher again. FUCK ME! I was in the back with daughter, last row. The sun was beating right on us. I told myself I was a Blast of Sunshine. I get over to class, DO IT, today is day 34. I'm not getting caught up in how many days I have done this time. My Dad's death, greedy family members are the distraction right now. My abusive brother-in-law is taking over my Dad's estate. I will get him out! He is not on the will at ALL! It's my sister not Steve. I flipped the bird at the teacher for being insenitive. It does not matter I'm not a teacher. I can do pretty much whatever I want and feel, I'm a paying customer. About 99% of the time everyone laugh at what I do. zoe zane
My torturing rants..... HA HA HA

Hot male teacher DAY 32

He said a few words to me yesterday. Going through the process of Dad dieing is taking my energy. My Dad had post war trauma and never went to counciling. He took it out on his own family. I know one thing for sure I can love myself and feel good about who I am. I'm hot shit! My living space is still in the air, the landlord has not spoken to me about leaving. I still have the 3 cats. Now with Dad dieing I need the cats more. zoe zane

Day 30 and 31

My Dad died on Sunday August 1st at noon, I'm out of it on the day count. I was in a daze for two days. I went to class both days and made it. Dad looked terrible like a dead body in a Jewish concentration camp. LOL. He will be buried sometime this week. Coordinating family will be a challenge. My brother-in-law is causing havoc with sister and myself. He's a loud mouth, over 400 lb. bully. I do not like him. He has done it to himself. Last night, I put up 2 stars on the board. It made me happy. YIPEEE!

Day 29

Dad died today at 91 just before noon, I took to easy in the 6:30 PM class. The teacher Holly told me I was her hero. That's nice to say. I'm suffering already and do not want to do 2 classes in one day. Bikram has helped me to be strong for life's challenges for sure. Thursday, I had a bone implant for stronger teeth. My living space is still up in the air. But the bone implant and my Dad are finished. Now where does Zoe live? Oh brother, I need my mother. Sometimes when I come out of class I cry out for my Mommie. Oh Mommie, Mommie I need you! I give myself a big hug. Go home and huge my 3 cats. Furry loves. zoe zane